Who are you -?

Sorry for the mysterious title...it kind of eludes to having a juicy, prophetic, deep subject in this blog....Well, it ain't. Just corny.
Well, maybe not so corny.... maybe a little deeper as you wade thru the thing... ? ?
Luck to you.



OWEY!! ~~ OWEY!! ~~ OWEY!! ~~ OWEY!! ~~ OW!!

ouch even~!


Daaaaaaammmmnn ~! who the hell beat me up while i was sleeping?!?!

I awoke this morning with every single bone in my body screaming for relief.
All Muscles in chorus...

Every square inch of skin singing back-up.

The last time i felt like this i had nurses at my disposal.

. . .

Did anyone get the number of that TRUCK!!?


One thing is sure...


I AM ALIVE !!!


So what if will get started a little slower today.

So what if i grit my teeth a little getting up from the normal little parking place for my butt in the front room.

So what if i will ask for a little more help from those around me today.

I'm a sore 'cuz i've been active the last few days.

I've been active the last few days because i have been physically able to be.

I've been walking around the place, went outdoors and got some fresh air. That bright thing in the sky shone its light upon my skin.

I think this all means:
I AM ALIVE !!!

I'll happily accept that today, take my more-than-half-full-glass and be on my way TY.

Won't you come with me? after all....
WE ARE ALIVE !!!



Cliff Bickle
cliff_bickle@yahoo.com
---> Saturday, March 27, 2010. <----

i am alive...

just a quick note to let people know i am alive...

until i looked at the date of my last post, i didnt realize how long it had been...

i am finally sitting at the computer comfortably...
it has been weeks since i rested peacefully.

i have been fighting break-thru pain episodes for weeks.
despite all the morphine and norco and soma and gabapentin i take daily the pain still breaks thru and gives me episodes of pain...complete with posturing, shaking, sweating and snotting on myslef its awful...
five trips to the local ER (in two weeks), two by ambulance even... what a screaming drag.

my oldest daughter has been awesome.. she is so patient and helpful and understanding.. i dont think i could possibly ask for better from anyone..helping me thru episodes, driving me to the hospital etc..

i started an new drug for pain as the others ceased to manage my pain adequately...
a fentanyl patch... 20mcg/hr (i think) makes me sick as hell.. and isnt quite handling the pain but i think i have found a way to get thru until i can see the doc agian
i just hafta be careful not to bottom out my BP... fentanyl plus the strong opiods i have could easily kill me if i forget i have taken them and double-dose.

my youngest is home from her summer visit with mom...
i am happy... they love to say how much they dislike each other but they sure were glad to see one another.

i am somewhat unhappy with my blog content lately... definitely not as poetic as i would like them to be.. not what i am accustomed to producing.
they now sound all to often like an end-of-the-day report... clinical ... bleh.

perhaps i will find relief in this new medecine that doesnt leave me drooling on myself and i can peek out into the world again....

OH YEAH~! i hada birthday a while back... i am officially over 40 now.. 41 yrs old on july 5th ~!
wasnt sure i was gonna make it there for awhile...
there for awhile, i didnt wanna make it.

until i make it back, happy reading and blog when u can huh?~!

Bleh..

For the moment, I am feeling better.
Hopefully a reprieve from the last several days that have been plagued with fatigue and misery.
I have slept virtually non-stop since early in the week and have found moving or eating...anything...both difficult and painful.

I missed the aerial fireworks show last night and am really bummed about that.

My kids are home from Summer break tho, and that's cool.. I am glad to have them back here, although I wish they left their sibling bickering on the damn train that brought them. ;)

It is Saturday. the sun is up..I can move...I can see...(only one image to choose from).
Today is starting off good. Today will be comparatively productive if it stays this way.

Pain is...

Pain has been manageable...

Been sleeping way more than normal...
From the adjustments in meds maybe? dunno...
Still carrying the weight preumably gained from steriods.
Double-vision is back enough to make me not wanna drive.
Back and neck are stiff, hard to move.. my left arm gets hot and cold...
Makes me wonder what good radiation did for me...

Waiting to hear what docs have to say about new MRI...
Wondering if chemo is an option and if it will do me any good.
This is not how things are supposed to be.

This damn thing has been robbing me of stuff for awhile, noone ever knew what was up before...Subtle things, over time.. years even...
The symptoms are more pronounced now...not so sublte...Now I am really hurtin'...

OK.. damn left arm and leg are numb. hard to type...back hurts from sitting here...shit.

gonna go put my feet up. maybe come back later.


see you soon~!