I love thundertorms...

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Woke early this morning.. have been sleeping a lot the last few days so I guess I was rested enough to start today early.

The light show and subsequent thunder was awesome...Invigorating…both of my daughters love love love thunder storms. I love that they enjoy the awesome demonstration of nature’s power like that…its great. This mornings thunder woke Miranda.. she enjoyed it but not enough to come crawling out from under her warm comforter.
To have storms so close and powerful that when you go outdoors the hair on your arms stands up and the air around you seems to just sizzle…Makes me feel alive, even past the crappy tumor and all the meds.

Last weeks Avastin kikd me just a little and the first day of Temodar this week kikd me hard…so far today is about mid way. Time will tell how heard this week will be…

I hate chemo. Its nasty nasty business. But it has kept me alive. Given me more time. More time with my daughters,…friends…family. For that I am grateful.

It’s an ugly medicine to fight an ugly disease. I, like many brain cancer victims, am very young. Early forties is way to young to have a terminal condition. Some may argue the use of the word victim, or the “terminal” condition posture. Although I can agree that keeping a positive mindset can improve ones physical and mental condition it is often difficult for me to keep the “thankful for what I have” attitude. Brain tumors aren't caused from smoking or alcohol consumption or anything else, so "victim" works. Just gotta be careful not to think your a "victim".

I certainly have made sacrifices for my kids as all parents do, but I feel like I am being robbed of so much. Lots of things I am unable to do with them now and lots of things I won't ever be able to do..
It’s not easy to not focus on the negative. Each morning I must remember what meds I have taken and what meds I need to take. Any error could prove to be disastrous.

I have found answers to the challenges of things like loss of mobility...not driving, not walking.
They are often hugely inconvenient. I feel as if I am bothersome to those I ask for help. Everyone is busy with their own lives. Who has time to drag my carcass off to dr appt.’s or grocery stores?

My daughters do a good job of taking care of those types of household chores for now, but occasionally we need a little assistance.

The good news is that I am walking again… I mean I am able to walk again. After several weeks of not being able to walk, and needing help to stand more than a couple minutes, I can (for now) walk from one room to another without a walker or wheel chair. It feels good. I am losing weight for the most part albeit very slowly.

I am off for now… watching for new blog material…it seems like I write the same stuff, over and over. Soo boring~!