Tuesday, April 29, 2008

...

Court went well today...

Lines were drawn and dates set for future weighty decisions...
An expectedly rocky road raked to a rough gravel...this will be comfortably drivable.
I am content.

Too much time on the road tho...I hurt now, and likely will the rest of today and tomorrow for sure. Shit.

...

I graduate tomorrow.
Treatment #30. Then an MRI to check on the thing in my head that ain't 'sposed to be there.
Dunno after that.
Makes me tired. Tired of treatment.. tired thinking.

...

Gonna lay down now with the Opiate Gods... Come drift with me?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Humm..

Bummer....

Today, seems to be an extension of yesterday, plus a little more pain.
I hurt a little more, and am tired. Crap.


Gonna take it easy for a bit....I have a big weeek ahead of me and I need to have myself together...
Other than that, the adoslescent females here are trying to kill each other off trading bickering little nerve frazzling barbs over nothingness. (is that even english?) Anyway...


The sun is out, the weather is good and I am going to go out and enjoy it in a while...


I hope others do too...

Thursday, April 24, 2008

OK...

Several very good days in a row...
Have stalled out...

I seem to have over done it a bit and angered my left hammie.
I am icing and sucking on NORCO.

Other symptoms are all ok tho...
No other systemic pain or balance/vision probs so I think I am good.


Gonna try driving soon...


Did I tell you I lost five lbs this week?

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Ugh....

The morning comes...
Conspicuously creeping into my slumber.

Yesterday was a very long, exhausting experience.
Two very necessary out of town appts simply drained me. They are done now, and I am relieved.. Next week promises even more significant events... I am confident but wary.

All of me is spent.

I feel asleep, I think before ten last night..something that hasn't happened in months.
Something else that hasn't happened in months.. I slept until like 6:00. A.M.
That's HOURS more than I usually sleep at once lately...Most times, I sleep about three or four hours at a time... sometimes I am tired..sometimes the drugs keep me juiced...

Cooked a real dinner last night, from scratch. Haven't done THAT inna while either. It came out awesomely ;) and I am stoked. I love to cook, and although it was tiring, it was also therapeutic.

Next week promises even more significant events...
Players are sublty grinding heals into the soil, surveying the field... the game is stepped up a bit this time 'round. The stakes are high, each step needs be measured, calculated.
I am confident, but wary.

An awful whining voice left our home last night....
A vagabond immature feline pitifully appeared near our patio a few days ago...
My young daughters cheerlfully went out to greet this thing and presto, we own a cat. (grumble grumble...)

It wasnt entirely well and they attempted to nurse it to a better place.
It was washed and fed and smothered...and now needs a home.

The younger daughter freeked when I called the city pound...
When the guy arived to take the thing.. we decided to keep him and try and find him a home oursleves... He was required by law to take pics and info in the event someone actually came looking for this thing, but said we could, keep him, find a home for him, or turn him in to them in no more than 7 days as a stray. After that, he was ours.
A few quick phone calls made by my kid, and she found him a family...
(whew!)

Anyway...


Off to my day...

Monday, April 21, 2008

OK....

Just a quick blurb to tell about me besides the profile...

I'm 39 yrs old... live in central (?) CA, and have two daughters....
They are 11 and 15 yrs old, and they are great.. They do drive me nuts with all the normal things that teenagers drive their parents crazy with... But thats about it.

Not currently working, primarily due to a walnut sized tumor lodged in and on my brainstem near th fourth ventricle. (very, very buried) ...it's location means it ain't operable, but we can radiate and chemo it to shrink it...but thats all...no surgery.
It is believed to be benign, but nothing is sure at this point...

I am currently half-way thru a six-week course of radiation.
The experience with radiation seems to be about normal compared to what other patients and the technicians have described to me.

Some things don't work right all the time... today I feel good, but I have double vision pretty bad and it gives me a damn headache trying to focus... My legs are unstable today and have come out from under me a couple times... The floor rushes to meet my face...but its kind of a slow motion, almost controlled event. So far I haven't hurt myself...

Over all its been an enlightening experience in pain... I have Good drugs, and I am learning how to take them in ways that maximize the benfits they provide.

Now, having said all that...

Posts here may, from time to time, appear odd or ranting...bizzare even.

I'll blame it on drugs or pain or other chemical inducements...
Get out of jail free card?


Surely it isn't one of my own neuroses surfacing from the recesses of my dark grey matter.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

So you've started a blog...

What are you gonna do with it??


And the answer is... I have no idea.

Thought I might share thoughts, ideas...stuff in my head..opinions about this or that.


In part because my brother has a blog here...and has own professional site.


One of the problems is...I have rarely felt that my opinions or expressions had much effect on anyone else.. having been taught unmercifully for decades that I was never intelligent enough that anything I said or did had any value... I am uncomfortable expressing in public... and don't have alot of practice at it.. and such expression often comes out in negatively, both in personal and professional environments...

I don't intend it to be..it just does.. I look and sound like a big fat grouch.


Very well...


Let it begin.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Good Morning~!~!

From here... a good morning is waking up... Whats even better is when you wake up NOT in active pain.
When your rested and ready for the day is freekin' great~!

SOOO today is great.

Much to do today.. I am sure that by the end of the day I will be exhausted and drugged to the hilt... is ok tho...


Shoring up some footing for the road ahead... it needs it a bit I think.



I'm down.. but not out.


WHATCHA!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Happy BirthDay!!!

Today My blog is born!

I hope to share rambling thoughts and rants here from time to time...

I am sure posts will be full of typos and curses and blurting diatribe offensive to someone somewhere.


See you soon!


Cliff