porridge for me...

well, one of he last remaining molars in my head just busted.

every one of the root canals performed by a certain dentist in stockton has failed.

crap.

freekin roller coaster....

My friend and fellow-combatant is not feeling well....

her blog of late worries me, and i hope that her discomfort in recent days are simply bumps in the road that will smooth-out soonly...


If you have a moment, drop Jessica a note and wish her well?


(clicking on her name above should take you there...)

thank you..

blast from the past.

this morning was scheduled for Avastin treatment.

for those of you new readers, those unfamiliar with cancer treatment or unfamiliar with my treatment, this is the twice monthly injected "chemo" treatment i am undergoing to slow/stop the growth of the brain stem tumor in my that is trying its hardest to kill me.

the treatment kicks my ass and makes me tired and sore and a host of other highly inconvenient side effects. anyway....

upon arriving, i successfully registered with the girls in the basement and elevator-ed up to the second floor where treatment occurs.

they took blood pressure and temp and weight etc and i proceeded to the room wherein several people sit and funky chairs and receive drugs intravenously...
its a small group of people that see each other because they have similar treatment schedules... all have one sort of life threatening cancer and are in various stages of treatment...

today, to my sad astonishment, i saw a very familiar face. this elegant woman from my distant distant past struck a nerve the moment i saw her.
boys of any age would likely remember the women in his life in the same role...

this woman was my 2nd grade teacher in grade school. Mrs McCain. although my crippled brain had some difficulty recalling her name for a moment, i clearly remember her class.
maybe i am a freak, but i can recall the names of every one of my grade school teachers and most of my high school teachers.

anyway, she only needs visit for treatment every three months now so it will be awhile before i see her again, but she remembered my brother and me well and we had a wonderful chat as we both received life saving treatment.
she retired two years ago as a result of her cancer but she looks and sounds very good.

when we still lived at our old address, my kids attended the same elementary school as my brother and i did so many years ago. my youngest even had the same teacher for third grade that i did for third grade so long ago. wow huh?



once again, its a small small world. we are all... connected. 7-layers?



anyway.. luck to all...

i think i am really sik...

having grown up with my dad being a cop, i caught hell nearly every day at school for shit he did on the street... he was always arresting someone's mother or brother or some damn thing.
i had to go the extra mile to prove to them that i was just like everyone else.
what a drag.

but, i also did things that no other kids did.

being a cop in a relatively small town, i guess there wasnt a lot of choices of friends he could really hang with, consequently, we did lotsa stuff with other cops.

i clearly remember fishing trips in what i think was a narcotics van, with very interesting people.
some of these "interesting" people were on the Bomb Squad.

i learned some very funny, albeit very twisted pranks from these guys.
maybe that explains the following.

i've been receiving a sales calls and political calls on my home phone.
many are recordings with no option to "opt out".
all my phones are on the "Do Not Call" list so these sluts shouldn't be bothering me anyway.

todays call was pushing credit repair for credit cards and i was bothered that these pukes were wasting my time and tying up the line designed for my Life Alert System.

so i waited for the loong sales speech and everything and the thing asked me to leave my name and phone number and debt value yadda yadda...

immediately after the beep, i mustered my feeblest of feeble voices, complete with panting breath, gurgling sobs and panicked, hushed tones...
"Please p-p-p-please...(pant - - pant) help me.. they- - they -- they won't let us leave.. we can't get out.. (pant - pant... weak cough... sniffle... ) please hurry they're coming back.. pleease..."

then i dropped my handset on the desk and chased it around a little and then hung up.

just so you know...

just a quick note..

for the last several weeks i have been experiencing very noticable difficulties remembering stuff.

new stuff, older stuff, peoples names, whatever.

if i ask a seemingly dumb or repetitive question, its likely because my brain dumped the data somewhere along the way and i just dont remember things the way the rest of the world does.

it drives my kids nutz and it isnt any fun for me either.
i hate it.

i try to keep more notes, on the most mundane things sometimes, and then i forget where i put the notes.

so dont be offended if i forget something we talked about, or that we talked at all.

i dont know if this will pass or if it indicates progression of this disease.

until next time ~ ~ Happy Birthday~!

(remember? Frosty the snowman used to say that each time he melted and was rebuilt - everything was brand new again)



how come i can remember THAT?

That's it, I've had it.

I have found my breaking point and been pushed beyond.
I don't need anymore more bullshit from all your fuckers.

Less my youngest daughter, my awesome brother and his most awesome family, and a handful of great great friends...everyone else can piss off.

See Ya'.

If anything can go wrong...

It's nearly 2 a.m. ...

I can't sleep...AGAIN~!

One difference this time though, my youngest daughter, Mariah is awake with me.

She has developed an awful cough and is running a low grade temp. Dry and coarse, it seems to return from time to time just to make things difficult for her and me.
We've tried a few non-prescription things tonite... including throat spray-which she hates with a passion and the remnants of a prescription cough syrup in the cupboard.

She continues barking - unable the stop this nagging monster. Its awful to hear her continue when I can't do anything to help her tonite.
I don't know what else to do.. especially this late.

Tomorrow she is scheduled to go with her class to San Francisco for their graduation celebration.
We are insomniacs here, creatures of the night. She has a hard time sleeping at night so she was so careful to get to bed early.
Now this cough has had her up for the last hour. She is worried that she will have trouble in the morning on so little sleep.

Crap.

Well, now that I got THAT off my chest I'm going back to try and sleep....


Night.