Socks, soldiers and Norco...

I am occasionally prompted by others to blog more frequently… Some have expressed admiration for my writing skills…some from unexpected places… some from very unexpected places.

It is for that reason I try to more often get something down on paper, wait, up on ether...I mean the net, whatever….
The stuff that comes to me late at night when I can’t freekin sleep. I am usually to lazy to get up and write it all down and it rarely sounds as good in print as it did in my head (didn’t I say that before?)

When I look back at my blogs, I feel like I write an awful lot of negative stuff. The doom and gloom of my current medical situation. The brain tumor that never ceases torturing me. My evil ex-wife, who has barely ceased harassing me for one minute on virtually every level one can think of. Complaints of childhood horrors, the sins of my father that continue to haunt me.

Browsing such material, I feel desperate for happy stuff to write. That my mutterings for once, be positive, happy things. There are of course, some sprinklings of spirit lightening material, particularly when my kids have done something cool, just not as much as I would like.

I try to be sure and blog the good stuff…I also try to blog when my head is clear.er. And I make attempts to review my material before I upload… The damage to my brain from the radiation and the fog that occasionally comes with the pain drugs cause me to mumble and stutter…even in print.

The last few days have been interesting… I seem to be coming out of a run of several days of either several shorter pain episodes or one long one. I woke up screaming three days in a row… drugs either running out or simply not doing there job anymore. I think I have it under control now…although the pain has changed…It is noticeably different now...it is more achy now…set in my shoulders, knees…joints. The muscles in these areas...feel achy, like they are tired from over work…odd…As I haven’t done a damn thing in awhile.

One of my worst habits is putting stuff off… procrastination… I am terrible. Anything that stresses me really gets avoided… bills, mail, etc I haven’t file my lousy taxes in years. I think I have recently resolved that particular issue. Hopefully the tax guys will quit sending me nasty letters now.

Putting things off… I can always do it tomorrow, well, to some degree, that’s not a bad position to take.
Some stuff should be put off, one should make time for important things in life. Yes I know, filing your damned taxes is important, and shouldn’t be ignored. But mowing the stupid lawn can wait over taking the family out for a day on the lake. Cleaning out the garage can wait while you spend the weekend camping, roasting marshmallows and hiking among pines and quaking aspen.
I spent too many years being afraid. Fear of failure.. combined with procrastination and a healthy dose of plain lazy has left a list of “I wish I woulda”, “I shoulda’ things a mile long. I really wanted to do significantly more skydiving. I want to teach Mariah to fly fish. She likes fishing, and I think she is going to be very, very good at fly fishing. She is one helluva smart kid.

My medical condition makes me think in more finite terms. Long term projects or investments seem pointless or too much work. “Why bother if I’m not gonna be around?” It’s dumb, and I shouldn’t think that way. It’s just one more way to avoid stuff. To justify in my head, the reason for NOT doing something. My kids will learn by example, so I better get off my butt and do stuff.


My ex-stepson (?) (ex-wife’s son) joined the Marines awhile back. He is currently stationed in Iraq training Iraqi policemen for the next seven months. The girls have decided they wanna send him stuff. He has requested socks (size 11), magazines, baby wipes and snacks etc. It’s supposed to take about a week to get to him and we chat with him regularly on Yahoo Instant Messenger and MySpace etc. It’s all kinda weird. It doesn’t seem real. Anyway…
We went to Wal-Mart to gather stuff to send to him. One of the first things on the list… SOCKS~! Well, we found them alright. Along with drink mix packets to turn his boring military issue water into something more palatable. So… in looking over this package of socks I found it very interesting,… amusing.. that the things are made in freekin’ Pakistan. Made in Pakistan, shipped all the way over here, and now they are on their way back to clothe American soldiers. Very funny.