HEY~! I must still be alive if I am Blogging~!

Hello…

Here I am, again… staring at the keyboard and computer screen…

Trying to articulate all the literary brilliance that comes to me in the middle of the night but I am to tired or lazy to get up and commit to paper (so to speak).
I often find what does make it out of my head horribly redundant expressions of previous writings…
Ramblings of pain and worry…on to wonderful reports of my awesome daughters and their latest accomplishments…

Health-wise I can’t seem to make up my mind if I am getting better or worse…
Vision is much better, with both eyes open and in working order most days. Pain management is usually under control, although some episodes continue to plaque my perception of continued progress.

My brother reminds me to try and take heart in what things I “can do” instead of the things I “can’t do”…Find happiness in the good stuff instead of all the negative.
All very cliché … just not easy to do when your breakfast includes 11 prescription meds each day and most days are spent dodging pain and planning for the repercussions for activities everyone else does without thinking…

I missed an important stress test for my heart Tuesday.. I felt so sick.. mostly tumor sick…fatigue, pain, edema, I just couldn’t make the ride in the car to Stockton...it is a whole 15 miles. It’s been
re-scheduled again.. Hopefully I’ll make it next time.

The next MRI will be this month. I dropped the ball and didn’t schedule it yet, but I will make a phone call in the morning and fix that. I plain forgot I was supposed to schedule it.. I thought they were gonna schedule it so I just waited. oops.
I am a little afraid to do it. Afraid of what they might find. Crap.

I will get the cardiac stress test results and the MRI results within days of each other. I know there is probs with my heart. It has shown in other tests. Hmm.
Dunno what to think about the MRI results.


It’s going to be a very, very long month.