Symptoms worsen...

again, i wake in the early early hours of the morning

again, i wake, my shirt sodden with sweat

again, i find myself reaching for conscious

i am hot, struggling to breathe, searching for my phone

my friend doesn’t answer.
another call, to another friend, also goes unanswered. geez.

today is worse. i am clearly in worse shape than before.
there is indication of loss of - conscious.
freekin’ MRI sez i am better, but new symptoms dispute that diagnosis.

i manage to get my bony white ass into my electric scooter and drive over to my breathing treatment machine
i get the meds in the nebulizer bowl and turn it on…in hopes of better breathing - i sit and rest, breathing in the cool mist
when the mist stops, my struggle for air continues, seemingly unaffected by the drug laced vapor.

this is not good. i should be better.
the hospital i know, doesn’t have a lot more than i have at home.

my phone rings… the first person i called is calling me back. we talk, sort of.. my voice is very weak…soft, hard to hear over the phone. he understands well enough to come here, and we ultimately go to the local hospital. once there, i am thankful that for once there is no one else being treated

another breathing treatment with a higher dose of meds and some oxygen seems to open things up and again i can breathe unhindered
the doc orders a different steroid to be taken for a few days and recommends i follow up with my regular doc.

i fear that this event is an indication of the slow degradation that i have been afraid of for so long.
not much else could be a worse development in my condition

now this morning the sun is out and i think i’ll motor out and get some sun.
forget for just a bit that i am so sick...

i wish i could drive.. take the car to a local river park… burn a few burgers and dogs…

ahh well.